April 12, 2004
A Tribute to My Aunt Pat
I have some of the most fabulous aunts a girl could ever want. They are sweet, kind, courageous, and hysterically funny. I have watched them throughout my life as they have dealt with marital issues, divorce, raising their children, sibling squabbles, grandchildren, illnesses, injuries, and death. Each one of them is amazing in her own way.
I have learned from them as I sat silently by, watching them sometimes from up close, sometimes from a distance. My Aunt Gearline (pronounced 'jurleen'), for example, had three small children when she went through a painful divorce. But being from such strong stock, she rolled up her sleeves and went to work providing and caring for her children, raising them the best way she knew how. Not only that, but she has always been there for the rest of the family--her siblings and parents--as well, visiting them in the hospital, helping, caring for whoever was in need. I've never heard the slightest complaint pass her lips. She is generous almost to a fault, kind, and loving, as well as fiercely determined. There is never a loss of light in her eyes or a lack of laughter in the room when she is around.
I have learned about resilience and determination from watching Gearline.
My Aunt Peggy is another one who seems to have been cut from the Rock of Gibraltar, although she also possesses a sweetness of spirit and gracefulness, always with that easy, humorous disposition. A few months ago when her husband suffered a stroke, Peggy handled it like a champ, doing whatever needed to be done, and doing it all with a sense of humor and gratitude for even the smallest kindness she received. She, like the others, never seems to stray toward bitterness or loss of faith in God when trials come knocking.
I have learned about grace under pressure from observing Peggy.
Aunt Francis is another one who has always been kind and cheerful, with a twinkle in her eye that always makes one wonder what she's been up to. The oldest of the 'kids', she has always been, of course, very responsible, but she too has had a seamless quick wit and an easy way of laughing at the foibles of life.
I have learned about strength from knowing Francis.
Aunt Betty, or Jean as she's known by many in the family, is the one with whom I am the least familiar. She has her own quick wit and has at times displayed a strong faith in God--as have they all. While her life has likewise been difficult, she has never seemed to weather those trials with the same 'casual ease' the others often portray. But like Gearline, she has overcome those hardships, rising above them with courage and grit.
I have learned about fortitude from watching Betty.
Then there is my Aunt Pat.... The youngest of the girls in the family, Pat is the one I have always related to best. Being the youngest in my family of origin as well, I felt I understood her better than some, and she me. Pat also had an extremely painful life... Endless bouts of depression and emotional distress, anxiety, and health problems that always threatened to overtake her. The chronic illness and disability of her husband for most of their married life likewise added to her stress. But she loved her husband dearly; would do anything in the world for him. And even with all she had to deal with within her own household, she was always there for her mother (as well as anyone else in need), calling, visiting, making meals, doing whatever she could to help ease the suffering of others.
One of the things I love most about Pat besides her sweet, kind, generous heart, is her wonderful laugh. She has the best laugh of anyone I know. It is one of those contagious laughs, and one that always brings tears to your eyes and leaves your sides sore the next day. She's one of those people that when she laughs, she laughs all over. And what a sense of humor! She has always come up with the funniest things...! One of my all-time favorites occurred when I was probably a young teenager. Pat always battled her weight, and one time she mentioned that God had made a mistake putting breasts in the front because they just got in the way. She always thought He should've put them in the back instead....
Pat's thoughtfulness has always been an outstanding quality as well. My niece recently had her first child, and though Pat was dealing with the ravaging affects of a brain tumor (among various other health-related issues), she commissioned her daughter-in-law to make a baby blanket for this newest member of our family. I know she did the same for many others in the family as well.
Pat often got into trouble with other members of the family.... I don' t know all the details, but what I do know is that it was Pat that threw a birthday feast for my mother a few years ago. Neither Pat nor her husband were able to get around very well, but there they were with their rolling desk chairs, scooting around the kitchen like seasoned dancers in a beautiful, quirky ballet, laughing and talking, eager to serve their guests. And try as we might, they wouldn't allow us to help them with even the smallest detail. I don't remember what we ate that day, but I will never forget how tirelessly they worked or how excited they were to do something special for my mom on her birthday.
Even with all the difficulties within her relationships with her siblings, Pat always stood by her convictions. Right or wrong, she knew who she was and remained true to what she knew to be true in her own life. We all have painful things from our past, and Pat was never one to sweep those things under the rug or pretend they never happened. Sure, she ruffled feathers more than a few times. She offended others in the family. She hurt feelings and went to battle over things that might've been better left alone. But the one thing I keep coming back to is that I believe she was desperately seeking peace and healing and restoration where those issues were concerned. While some may have thought she was merely a pot-stirrer, I believe all she really wanted was to be heard, to have her feelings validated, and to heal. While her methods may have been sorely lacking in wisdom and grace, I believe her motives were always genuine and pure.
I have learned so many things from knowing Pat...! Thoughtfulness, persistence, bravery, loving kindness, fortitude, generosity, resilience, the ability to laugh at one's self--and the list could go on.
Last week, Pat underwent surgery to remove a benign brain tumor the size of a tennis ball. While we were all hopeful this surgery would give Pat back her life, what we didn't know was of the aneurysm that lay lurking in her brain. The surgery was in itself successful. Ninety percent of the tumor was removed. But the aneurysm burst, taking our dear sweet wonderful Pat from us.
Probably the best thing about this situation is knowing that for probably the first time in her life, Pat is totally free of pain and is experiencing joy she's never known before. Right now she is probably frolicking effortlessly and happily around her new mansion in heaven. Or perhaps she's sitting at our Savior's feet. Knowing Pat, she's giving Him a very humorous critique of human anatomy and offering some suggestions for improving His original design...! (No doubt He's wiping tears from His eyes and holding His sides....)
One thing is certain: there is a wonderfully contagious new laugh echoing through the halls of heaven today.
My Aunts! [l-r standing: Peggy, Pat, Francis, Velma (my mom);
l-r seated: Gearline and Betty]