Field of Daisies

On Sibling Rivalry

Here's another one from the vault. Seems like only yesterday.... (It was long before our oldest told us he wanted to be called "Zach" instead of "Zachary," and back when we still had cats! My, how times change.)

[I think I originally wrote this in 2000 when Zach was 8 and Jenna was 5.]
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On Sibling Rivalry

Yes, it's true. My children are wonderful, precious, happy and seemingly well adjusted. But they--even they--squabble and fuss and fight.

My son, Zachary, is the older of the two. He is sensitive toward other's feelings. Once, when he was about 6 years old, his Sunday school teacher told me of an incident concerning Zach and another child. It seems the other child was new to the class and sat over in a corner, afraid to join in on the class activities. My son, being the tenderhearted child he is, went over to the little boy, put his arm around him and said, "It's okay. Come join the rest of us."

My daughter, on the other hand, is the ornery one. If there is anything that describes our Jenna, it is that she loves life. She is the giggler, the nutty little cut-up consistent with the birth-order theory. Where Zachary is more serious and sensitive, Jenna is our little clown with a devilish streak thrown in for good measure.

Not surprisingly, it is Jenna who is often the instigator between the two of them. She has been known to punch Zachary in the stomach for the tiniest offense. To my son's credit, he repeatedly resists the urge to deck her in response. In fact, at times we have--out of desperation and only half-seriously--told him he needs to deck her in order to get her to stop hitting, kicking, punching, etc., but he wants no part of it.

Zachary is smart (or should I say shrewd), though. One of the things we do not allow in our household is tattling--unless someone is doing something dangerous. It didn't take Zachary long to figure out that we would not give him permission to tattle, no matter how politely he asked. So, what he does instead is to say in a voice loud enough for me or his dad to hear, "Jenna, stop hitting me," or "Jenna, stop jumping on the sofa!" or "Jenna, stop squeezing the cat!"

As I told a friend of mine about Jenna one time, she responded with "What a brat!" I thought long and hard about that statement. No, Jenna is not a brat, but she does enjoy pushing limits and seeing how much she can get away with. And even though she can beat up on her brother, she also has a very sweet and gentle side.

Once when I was sick in bed with a bad case of the flu, Jenna brought me a flower and gently stroked my arm. With the most compassionate look on her face she said very sweetly, "Mommy, I'm sorry you are sick."

As a parent, I have begun to learn that for every negative personality trait, there is an equally potentially positive trait. For example, Jenna is extremely stubborn. While stubbornness can be a negative trait, the positive expression of that same trait is sticktoitiveness. Jenna is nothing if not persistent. A quality that if nurtured will no doubt take her far in life. In fact, it has already come in handy as she has endured kidney reflux and all that goes with it for the past two years.

Zachary, though perfectionistic in nature, can also turn that seemingly negative trait around. He will no doubt do his very best at whatever he does in the future, never settling for mediocrity or a job half done.

It has always amazed me how two children from the same gene pools could turn out so differently. I'm not sure, but I think it is one of the ways God keeps us humble -- and on my knees! Lest I ever get cocky and think I've got this parenting thing nailed down they always come up with new ways to challenge me.

But even though Zachary and Jenna have their moments of bickering and fighting, they love each other tremendously. Whenever they are parted for any length of time, Jenna always misses him. She's even told us on occasion she wants to marry him when she grows up. And there have been times when Zachary has asked to take Jenna's punishment for her.

I too went through similar rivalry with my siblings. When my brother was in Boy Scouts he would practice his knot tying on me, tying my hands and feet behind me. And my sisters and I would argue and fight over the silliest things. We laugh about those things now. But in the end, as we grew up and moved on with our lives, what were once intensely stressful relationships have developed into enduring friendships.

All things considered, I suppose sibling rivalry is a natural part of family life. Could it even be a necessary evil? My hope and prayer for Zachary and Jenna is when they're adults, they will carry this special bond with them, learning to laugh about the memories they share, turning the rivalry into friendship just as I have with my siblings.

Growing Up With Your Kids

Although summer is not officially over, it may as well be as the kids went back to school today. (Pardon me while I do my happy dance....) Yes, I'm glad summer is over. The house is quiet except for the hum of my computer and the other miscellaneous sources of white noise. There is no bickering. No endless questions. No doors slamming or video games blasting. Ahhh... It's so peaceful.... :-)

This morning went very smoothly as well, although a brief wave of anxiety washed over me as I drove away from the school after dropping the kids off. Did I remember everything important? Will Zach be able to get his locker unlocked? Will he keep up with all his stuff and make it to all his classes? Will Jenna punch the little boy next to her for pulling her pony tail? Will she remember how to multiply and divide?

After a few of these questions bombarded my brain I finally came to the conclusion that even if everything doesn't go smoothly on the first day of school it's not the end of the world. They will learn to handle these things (and a whole lot more!) and they will be the better for them. My part is to help prepare them the best I can beforehand and to be there afterward to help them put the pieces in perspective--even if they can't all be put back together.

You know this "growing up" thing is really a myth. Yes, my kids are growing up, but I'm already grown up and still I'm learning more every day. For instance, Zach was upset with his dad one day recently for being harsh or unjust or some such thing (from Zach's perspective). I told him that since he is our first child, Dad and I are learning how to do this parent thing as we go. With every new phase of Zach's life, every new adventure (like the first day of middle school!), not only is it new for him, but it's new for us as parents as well. Sure we went to school as kids, but we never had to send our kids to school before. (We home schooled up until last semester.) And sure, we went to camp, but we never had to watch the bus pull away with our youngest child and only daughter on board.

I think Zach must've understood what I was talking about on at least some level, 'cause he smiled and gave me a big hug. Note to self: Talking to your kids is good.... See, I'm still growing up -- even as a parent!

Species: Mammalia Parentalia

Below is yet another article from the archives.... After stumbling upon this one recently, I just had to dust it off for my blog. Let me know if you can relate...!
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Did Darwin Ever Study Parents?

They’re odd; quirky. When we were younger they embarrassed us in front of our friends. They have strange behaviors. They seem to be intelligent creatures, but sometimes do the stupidest things. Following is a mini-study designed to help us understand some of the quirkier characteristics of those humans known as parents.

There are four key characteristics consistent with all parents. They’re easy to spot if you know what to look for. The first is parental denial. A condition looked upon with great fondness by those of us who are parents, and quickly condemned by those who are not. The second is sporadic or spontaneous deafness. A condition which has mystified those in the scientific community for centuries. It can be especially irritating to others--even other parents. The third is parental pride, the competitive realm of parenthood, and the fourth is a unique classification of communication skills. It is characterized by the uncanny ability to carry on a complete conversation with unlimited interruptions.

See No Evil

Parental denial begins early. For most of us it begins with that first whimsical thought of having a baby. We fantasize about that baby smell. The perfect, soft skin. The happy little baby sounds. First smiles, first teeth, first steps. What many of us don’t allow ourselves to consider (enter denial) are the nights of endless crying, the spit-up, the poopie diapers, the continual childhood illnesses.

By the time the child enters the toddling stages, we realize what we’ve gotten our-selves into--just in time for the terrible two’s: the temper tantrums, the crying binges, and a condition my husband and I fondly nicknamed “meltdown.” There are those who say the two’s are the most wonderful time--it’s all in how you look at it. They refer to this period as the terrific two’s and usually sport a graying hairstyle, keep lollipops in their purse and believe candy is the widely-accepted fifth food group. (Enter grandma.)

The denial that irritates me most--and that which I can most relate to--is that which rears it’s ugly head when illness enters the picture. How many times have you heard a parent who’s dropping their child off in the church nursery say, “She’s got a runny nose, but it’s not contagious. It’s just allergies.”? I for one have seen more cases of contagious “allergies” than I’d care to count. The trouble is, I understand this denial. I’m afraid I’m guilty of it myself.

It happens this way. You’ve been locked up, homebound for days (for whatever reason). Then the night before your weekly bible study, your weekend retreat, or that seminar you’ve been looking forward to for months, your precious little bundle starts sneezing. Then her nose starts running. By the time you’re ready to walk out the door she feels a little warm. You grimace. You fret. Then you consider: Hey, it’s not a cold. It’s just aller-gies! Everyone gets allergy attacks this time of year. You know, my nose has been a little runny and I feel fine. So off you go. This time you’re the one dropping her off in the nursery saying, “Don’t worry--that green stuff is just allergies” fully convinced by now that she’s fine.

This pattern continues through their school years--varying only slightly. She didn’t kick that little boy. Her foot slipped. And, Sure he’s a safe driver. The night he hit that mailbox it was especially dark. I’m a little night-blind myself.

I’ve come to the conclusion that parental denial is not a condition to be rectified. It is a God-given right. It is what helps us to cope with the insurmountable responsibilities of raising children. (Of course I’m not sure this is biblical. And if you ever quote me, I’ll deny every word of it….)

Hear No Evil

Parental deafness is a malady of another color, although it too is necessary for survival. It is not a happenstance of parenthood, but a skill we hone to perfection. You’ve been there; your 18 month-old has spotted a ball in the grocery store and simply must have it. Of course that is one word he knows well. You hear “ball, ball, I wan’ dat ball” fifty times in less than 5 minutes. Any sane person would go crazy if they hadn’t learned to skillfully tune out those repeated pleas. And it only gets worse with the more words they learn.

The uniqueness of this skill is exemplified in the manner in which a parent can continue to carry on a conversation with their child without actually hearing anything they say. You will recognize a parent who has excelled in this skill; she will be saying, “Uh-huh, that’s nice, Dear.” Or "Oh, yeah? That’s great, Honey." The master of this skill will even go so far as to say, "Sure, Sweetie, tell me all about it." Now that’s masterful!

The problem with this particular skill comes when your child gets a little older and begins telling you things you really need to hear. Many parents have become so adept at tuning out that they never re-learn the skill of tuning back in. What we as parents must remember though, is if we don’t listen to them, they’ll start talking to someone who will--and that may be someone we don’t want them talking to.

Speak No Evil

On to the third characteristic: parental pride. Unlike the other two, this mannerism is totally uncontrollable. It is not a self-protective reflex. It is not a skill to be mastered. It is purely the expression of face-beaming, chest-puffing, swagger-walking pride for those feats your child accomplishes--whatever their age.

For example, our first child walked at nine months. He knew the alphabet by the time he was 18 months. He was reading at two-and-a-half. By the time he was four he was reading on a third grade level. (Beaming.) Parental pride occurs when you say to yourself, I’m not going to brag--and then you look for every opportunity to tell others about the proud behavior or skill, whatever it may be. It’s something you know you shouldn’t do. You don’t want to do it--you don’t want people to walk the other way when they see you coming. But you can’t help yourself. There you are. In line at the grocery store. Your prodigy starts read-ing magazine covers. The woman in front of you has noticed his reading. Suddenly you blurt out “Amazing, isn’t he?” (You know you shouldn’t have even opened your mouth, but you continue anyway...) “He knew his alphabet at a year-and-a-half.” (You think to yourself, Oh, well. It’s too late now. I may as well finish...) “Learned it all on his own, too.” (Aw, what the heck. I’ll never see her again anyway...) “We never even tried to teach him. He just picked it up all by himself!”

Parental pride is one of those things you just learn to accept of yourself, and hopefully of others. The skill is learning to keep your pride under control and just smiling and nodding. Beaming and puffing up and swaggering are all more easily tolerated if the bragging is absent.

Survival of the Fittest

Finally, perhaps the most enviable of all skills is the ability of two parents to carry on a complete, detailed, adult conversation in the presence of a baby, toddler or preschooler. It is worth noting that while fathers accomplish this adequately, it is mothers that seem to excel at it. We have to, otherwise we would never have any conversations with other adults.

When my first child was born little frus-trated me more than trying to carry on a much-needed conversation with another adult. There seemed to be days when the only multi-syllable words I heard were from the televi-sion or the radio. While this helped keep me sane, it didn’t fill the baser need for human contact. I longed for it. I craved it. And when I was fortunate enough to obtain it, my son would have an immediate need which demanded my full attention. The adjustment period was lengthy, but now that I’ve sharpened this skill, I can carry on the most intricate of conversations without missing even one detail.

While my husband has learned this particular skill, the constant interruptions of our 4-year-old son and 20-month-old daughter still irritate him. With each month that passes he gets a little less frustrated. By the time he really gets the hang of it they probably won’t be speaking to us anymore--unless we’ve re-learned that listening skill….

Coming Full Circle: The Benefit of Understanding

God has truly equipped us parents with some amazing abilities and some quirky characteristics, of which these are just a few. But I have to admit that, in exploring these quirks of my parental nature, I am a little less critical of my parents. With each year that passes since I became a parent I am more forgiving of them. More forgiving, more sympathetic, more appreciative. Yeah, they weren’t so bad after all.

Zach

Our twelve-year-old son Zach is gone to church camp this week with over 200 other kids from our church, plus an unknown number from another church from Arkansas.... It's his first full week away from home. He's been to camp a few times before, but the longest he's been gone is three nights. He will be gone four nights this week...and I sure am missing him!

Zach is a great kid; fun to be with; easy to talk to. And he's a big help around the house. He picks up the dog toys for me without having to be asked. He empties the dishwasher and entertains his sister much of the time. (I think she has really missed him this week too!) He loves to play games and he still likes being with his mom and dad... Now that's something!

I miss his hugs too...and his laugh. (He has a great laugh!)

This photo is kind of dark, but perhaps you can still
catch a glimpse of a smiling, happy kid.... That's
our Zach!

We were planning to drive down to Camp WOW tonight for Parent Night, but I don't know if Joel is up to it. (He's been fighting a nasty upper respiratory condition this past week.) But Zach is scheduled to be home tomorrow, so even if we don't drive down there, I'll see him soon.

I'm hoping this week has been good for him. I hope he's making new friends and deepening his relationships with existing friends. I hope he's trying new things, venturing out a bit, and I hope he's laughing a lot. But most of all I hope and pray this week will be a spiritual marker in his walk with God. Zach has a wonderful heart and he knows a lot about spiritual things. My desire is to see him invest more of himself in his relationship with God; draw closer to God; for God to become more real to him.

The world we live in today is pretty brutal. Our children need to be firmly grounded in their relationship with the Lord. That is the only thing that will see them through all the difficulties and temptations that lay ahead. As for Zach, I think God has big plans for him, so truly I'm not worried about him. I just want the very best for him--just as God does. I know He loves him even more than I do. I guess my part is just to watch and pray and wait--and pray some more.... I have a feeling I'm going to have lots of opportunities to practice that particular parenting skill in the coming years....

Pressure Cooker Living

Here's another story from the vault. This one was written when our son was four-and-a-half and our daughter was nearly two. My how times have changed already!

Pressure Cooker Living

When I was a child my mother often canned fresh fruits and vegetables. I remember her always shooing me out of the kitchen for fear that something would offset the delicate balance of the pressure cooker causing the lid to blow. That's how I feel today.

"Pardon me, do you have Nuclear Calgon?"

I realized recently that I'm always being pressured by outside forces. Either I'm in a rush to take my four year old son to preschool or I'm hurrying to pick him up. I'm either frantically throwing food on a plate for my one year old before she explodes into a million pieces, or I'm frantically trying to load the dishwasher before she can get a sharp utensil or a breakable plate out of it. Whatever the case may be it seems I'm always frantic.

Usually the scenario is like this: Jenna is crawling around the floor grabbing onto my pants leg whining as loudly as she is able. Zachary, hearing the noise, decides this is the perfect time to ask for or demand something---repeatedly. Or, he feels if someone else is making noise, he too should be scaling some decibels. About this time the microwave timer goes off. Then the oven timer goes off. The phone rings. The UPS man knocks on the door. My head is pounding, my nerves are raw. The delicate balance is teetering. This pressure cooker is about to blow.

It's usually at times like these that I hear those words from the old TV commercial: Calgon take me away! But Calgon isn't big enough for this job. It's going to take more than a bubble bath to keep this cooker from blowing!

Needy Times Three--Plus One

It's not that my life is any harder than anyone else's. My life is good. Most of the time I'd even say it's great. I have a sweetheart of a husband and two beautiful children. We own our home. We live in a quiet neighborhood in the suburbs of a posh southwestern metropolis. The problem is that I'm always rushing to meet someone else's deadline, whether it be the preschool bell or my daughter's hungry cry. When finally the rush is over and the house is quiet after the kids' bedtime, that's when the other timer goes off: this time it's my husband's expectations that pull me from my thoughts or activities. I love spending time with him, so that's not the issue. What I'm talking about here is the unseen pull; the silent alarm if you will. They can't be seen or heard with the naked senses, but the effects are real within me. It's time to meet someone else's needs.

Not only are there outside forces that act upon me causing me stress, but I have my own inner timetable complete with deadlines and expectations. The electric company expects to be paid on time. If I'm late with the payment, I have to pay a fine. I have made commitments to my MOMs group, there are phone calls to make, coupons to clip, birthdays and anniversaries to keep up with, insurance problems to straighten out, a weekly Bible study for which to prepare. Not to mention the more mundane things like dirty laundry to be washed, dried, and put away, beds to be made, house to be cleaned, groceries to be bought.

So where do I fit in?

On top of all this, I must find time for personal hygiene. Yes, I'd like to shower or bathe at least once a day. I'd like to brush my teeth and get dressed before noon. I'd like to sit down in the morning and have a cup of coffee in peace. I'd like to have time to exercise daily without having to get up before dawn to do it.

I've got projects I'd like to complete. Things that are just for me. But there aren't enough hours in the day to meet everyone else's needs and mine.

I know this time is temporary. Soon the kids will be grown and I'll be wishing for a little of that whining and demanding that drives me crazy now. I'll have all the time I want for myself and my activities and I'll probably spend it looking through pictures of when the kids were little. . . .

Life is ironic isn't it? We want what we want when we want it, and when we get it, we want what we had before. It helps to focus on the way time passes. To look ahead to the day when I'll be looking longingly back to this time . . . . Or maybe not! Perhaps I'll be so relieved to be a grandmother I won't miss having two small children that need constant care and attention. Right now, grandparenthood is looking awfully appealing!

Three P's and a Shoo

For now the pressure cooker has cooled. We made it through another day when the lid didn't blow. Of course there are no guarantees that it won't blow tomorrow. But with a little preparation and planning and prayer, and a lot of shooing the kids out of the kitchen, we might just make it through another day.

Come to think of it, I wonder if it was really because of the pressure cooker that my mother shooed me out of the kitchen all those years ago. I'll have to ask her about that now that she's a grandmother.

School's Out!

Yes, summer is officially here. The piano recital, the STOMP musical, the 6th grade graduation are all behind us. (Jenna did an excellent job in the musical last week, btw! She sang her solo with gusto in front of a packed sanctuary. Amazing!) (Jenna and Janae, Best Friends
At the STOMP Musical)

The kids have had one full day out of school (as I write this) and already they've been bored. (What is wrong with kids these days? Never mind. I know... I know....) If I would let them watch all the TV they want or play all the electronic games they want, they would have plenty to do. However I am not one of those do-whatever-you-want-as-long-as-you-stay-out-of-my-hair-moms. My conscience won't allow me to let them veg in front of the TV or Game Cube all summer. The challenge for them is to find other things with which to entertain themselves. (As I always tell them: "You are in charge of your own fun.") The challenge for me is to stick to my guns, as they say -- and not lose my sanity in the process!

Zach's summer piano lessons are scheduled. I need to schedule guitar lessons for Jenna, and swimming lessons for them both. Somewhere in the mix each will go to camp for a week, and our whole family will be attending VBS in June. Oh, and I can't forget their karate lessons that will continue three times a week. (Whew! I'm tired already!)

Anyway, summer is in full swing. The only thing we're missing, so far, is our family vacation.... Hmmm. Now there's a project I can get into!

Everything Changes....

I approached May 25th with mixed emotions. It was our kids' last day of school for the 2003-2004 term. It also marked our son Zach's graduation from Elementary School.

The day was full of festivities. The kids spent part of the morning at a local park with their classmates and teachers. Then Zach joined his classmates at CiCi's for lunch and Putt-Around for some mini-golf. Then he went to his friend Jonas' house for a couple of hours of swimming. He was exhausted by the time he arrived home that afternoon, but there was no rest for him. His grandparents and an aunt were here to greet him. (They had driven in from out of town for his graduation exercises.)

We all went to dinner then on to the school at 6:30 for the big event of the day. The ceremony itself lasted less than an hour. It was both moving and frustrating. Frustrating because the microphone needed to be adjusted so we could hear the kids' speeches. Moving because as each graduate received his or her diploma, they were also handed a rose and a letter. Each one had purchased a rose (with their own money) to be given to their mom, and each had written a letter to their parents thanking them for all they've done for them so far. (Yes, I cried.)

This semester was quite an adjustment for Zach. He entered 2004 with a whole new life: a new school with new classmates, new rules, new friends, new curriculum, and new challenges. I think he made the adjustment amazingly well. Having been home schooled for his first 6 1/2 years, institutional schooling was indeed a major leap for him. But he did it with all the grace and stamina any 12-year-old boy can muster. (Yes, I'm very proud of him.)

Following the ceremony there was a reception hosted by the incoming 6th grade class. Another of Zach's aunts and uncles had also come for the ceremony, so they joined us for the reception as well. (Along with our 7-week-old great nephew!) After the reception we went back into the chapel for the silliness, as they put it. There was the reading of the who's-who and the 6th grade's last will and testament to the 5th grade class. Finally, the evening ended with a music video of growing-up photos of each of the graduates along with pictures from recent activities the 6th graders enjoyed together at school.

The end result was the stark realization that our little boy is growing up. He is no longer an elementary school kid. He's a middle schooler. Some of the kids in his class have already begun shooting skyward in height. And the girls, well, most of them look like they're 15 already...! (Yikes!)

The coming year is going to bring about a lot of changes in our son.... But the heart of this mother, while excited about all the future holds for this exceptional young man, can't help but want to hold on a while longer to the little boy.... (Yes, I'm crying again...!)

Even so, it is as it should be. And our God is good all the time. May He watch over our precious son all the days of his life. And may Zach choose to glorify our God with all that he is.

Jewels From The Vault

Since the topics on my blog have been pretty heavy lately, I thought a little comic relief was in order. So I've pulled an old story out of the vault to share with you. In fact I'll probably be pulling a few of them out over the coming weeks. Each one holds a special place in my heart as it reminds me of precious days gone by. Hope you enjoy them them! Here's the first in the series, written when our first child was still a baby and I was still a new mom:

Bad Day Blues

I had one of those days the other day. You know what I'm talking about. It's the kind that, when you tell your husband about it, you laugh so hard you cry -- except that you really feel like crying. And he jokingly says perhaps he shouldn't leave you alone with the baby -- except there's an underlying hint of sincerity in his voice.

Actually, the day began as uneventful as usual. In fact, I don't even remember what happened that morning. But as the warm spring air drifted in through the opened windows early that afternoon I felt a sense of exhilaration. Something was going to happen today.

It all started with a harmless game of chase with my 15 month-old son. Normally we have gates up to keep him out of non-child-proofed rooms, but occasionally I let down the gates and let him explore the uncharted territories of Mommy's and Daddy's bedroom, the office and bathrooms. On this particular day I had just changed one of those mammoth dirty diapers -- the kind that makes you wish God had only given you four senses. You then rack your brain, asking, "What did I feed him for lunch today?" swearing you'll never give him that again! After this particularly large, unusually pungent poopie, Zachary must have felt some odd sense of elation. He ran from the nursery with that look in his eyes, daring me to catch him. And we were off!

He was around the first curve in a flash and made a beeline for our bedroom at the other end of the hall. I was thinking to myself that I would boost his confidence by giving him a measurable lead when I realized I was running as fast as I could and he was still well ahead of me. Then just as I was marveling at the grace with which he accomplished this feat, he stumbled -- and crashed face-down on the corner of the window sill (this particular window goes to the floor). From the loud CRACK! I thought for certain he had broken something, if not the window sill itself. And from the 5 seconds of silence that followed I knew he was in pain. NOTE: There are always 5 seconds of silence that follow any real injury as he draws in a breath so huge you think he's going to suck the carpet off the floor. The silence is followed, of course, by a wail that rattles the windows and threatens to send the nosy neighbor rushing to call the police.

I picked him up off the floor and tried to console him while I took inventory. Two eyes, still intact. Nose, not bleeding. Teeth, not poking through lips. Gums, not bleeding. Head, no apparent fractures or contusions. ("Emergency" used to be one of my favorite t.v. shows!) By the time I got him back to his changing table to get a better look, however, the shiner had already started to appear. Great! Now the nosy neighbor will know for sure I'm beating him!

After I got Zachary calmed down -- and after the blood rushed back to my head -- I thought for sure that we had filled our quota for the day, but I guess we were a little short on the quota bill.

An hour or so later my spirits lifted however, as I realized nap time was nearing! It's that sacred, holy time of the day when Mommy gets to do anything she wants as long as she can do it without leaving the house and as long as it doesn't make too much noise.

This was the perfect opportunity to relax out on the front porch, enjoy the wonderful warm spring weather and perhaps devote some time to my writing. In preparation, I turned on the baby monitor, opened the window and placed it on the sill outside. Then I pulled the window back down to keep our cats, Psycho and Scooter, from doing some exploring of their own. I grabbed the cordless phone, my notebook and pen, a glass of water and a lawn chair. My pulse was fairly racing in anticipation!

As I opened the front door I noticed a gray tabby on the front porch. "I don't remember seeing a cat like that around here before. . ." I mused to myself. "Gee, that cat looks just like Scooter." Duh! Then it hit me. That cat didn't LOOK like Scooter, it WAS Scooter! Somehow she had managed to slither out from under the opened window where I had placed the monitor. Fortunately for me, her curiosity had been satisfied and she was willing to come back inside. In my relief at catching her so easily I scooped her up and shoved her back under the same window from which she'd escaped. It was only after she was safely back inside that I realized I could have lifted the window a little so she didn't have to flatten out again to get back in . . . .

Relieved that the second -- and hopefully last -- catastrophe was over, I settled into my lawn chair and drew in a deep breath of fresh air. There was a slight breeze blowing and the birds were singing happily. It would have been perfect had Zachary gone right to sleep. But I could tell by his cry he wasn't a happy camper, and not a sleepy one either. I turned the monitor down so the neighbors wouldn't think I was torturing my son -- and so I could enjoy the otherwise beautiful moment.

A few minutes later my friend, Wanda, called. After we'd been on the phone a while, I noticed that Zachary's cry had become more intense. It had a ring of urgency to it. I went inside to check on him, still talking to Wanda. I opened the nursery door to see a familiar sight: Zachary was lying on his stomach with both legs poking out of the crib between the railings. I chuckled a bit as I described the picture to Wanda. After all, this happens quite often. But this time was different. It was warm in his room and his legs had expanded just enough to wedge them between the railings like the proverbial cork in a bottle. I tried to push his legs through the railings. They wouldn't budge. I tried lifting him by his arms. His cries intensified. I tried pulling his legs from the other side. Nothing. By now I was starting to sweat. I had this picture in my mind of having to call 911 . . . "Uh, yes. My son is stuck in his. . .crib. . .?" Then of course they would either laugh and hang up or they would actually come to rescue him. At the moment I didn't know which would be worse.

Then, like a beacon in the night it came to me. Lucy and Ethel. Yes! What would Lucille Ball do in a situation like this? (It seemed a logical question at the time.)

I asked Wanda to hold on as the answer materialized: Vaseline! I located the slimy goo and applied it liberally to his fat little legs. Voila! He was freed, and I didn't have to call 911! Thank you, Lord!

I'd only had enough time to stop shaking and fully regain my composure when my husband drove up. The picture came to mind: a fire truck, an ambulance, bull horns blaring, lights flashing, nosy neighbors gathering nosily around -- and Joel coming home from work right on cue. I had to smile.

To him, this was an ordinary Friday. A day just like any other. No emergencies. No cold sweats. No frantic searches for cuts and bruises. His pulse had probably beat steadily all day without so much as a minor fluctuation . . . . Until he heard the account of my day, anyway!

I began by telling him it had been one of those days; he responded with an urgent demand to know one thing: Was Zachary all right? Again, I had to smile. I assured him he was fine -- except for the black eye.

As I began to fill him in on the details of our afternoon I laughed until I cried and he joked that perhaps he shouldn't leave me alone with the baby . . . .

----------------------------

Copyright © 1996 Mary Comm. All rights reserved worldwide.

The Kind of Mom I Want To Be

As I read Elisabeth Elliot's devotion a few days ago, I was struck by the things she and her siblings remembered about their mother after she died. As I read them I realized that's the kind of mother I want to be. So I formulated a list from her devotion, typed it up, and now I have it sitting on my desk as a constant reminder of the kind of person I want to be.

The Kind of Mom I Want To Be

Zach's Recital

Our son Zach has been playing piano since he was four or five -- can't remember exactly. And although he's gone through a rough spell or two with it, he has made tremendous progress over the past few years. Last night we attended his piano recital where he performed two songs along with 16 or so of his peers. And he performed beautifully! He's always so nervous beforehand -- who wouldn't be! -- but we prayed about it, talked about it, and he stood up like a pro when it came his turn to play. He spoke clearly and confidently as he introduced himself and the two songs he had chosen to play.

Although everyone makes mistakes during the recital, Zach played almost flawlessly, playing with feeling and gusto! We were so proud of him, and he was pretty pleased as well. We thank God for the love of music He has placed in Zach, and for all the ways He will glorify Himself through Zach's music. That makes the gift all the more precious!

(Go to Joel's blog to see and hear a clip from the recital.)

School News

Our kids are loving the "real" school experience--thankfully! Zach has been his usual happy self the past couple of days, abounding with laughter and energy. Jenna, too, is enjoying being with "the girls." Unfortunately, she *hates* homework, and is spending hours on it each night without completing it. This week she gets grace for unfinished homework, but next week it begins to affect her grade.... I'm honestly not sure she's up to the task. She's really going to have to have a change of attitude if she's going to succeed. Time will tell.

In the meantime, I am loving having the house to myself! (Although it was noon before Joel left for the office today.) :-( I have been working diligently to get the house in order, transforming the "schoolroom" into the family den. I've just about got things under control, though I still have several boxes of stuff to sort through.

The coolest news of the day? The dreaded treadmill is no longer a fixture in our living room! Hooray! It is now nestled inconspicuously in the new "den." This just keeps getting better!

Hooray for OCA!

Getting Ready for Change

Tomorrow is a brand new day for our family. Zach and Jenna are heading off to school at OCA ...Their first day in an "institutional" school (--well, their first day since they left OCS three years ago after only one semester there....)

This school change will mean a life change for me as well as for them. For the better part of the past seven years, home schooling has been my life from August through May each year.

For them, they will have to get up by a certain time, get themselves together and ready for school, spend seven hours away from home, with homework to do as needed. Their "free" time will be diminished considerably. They will be surrounded with other children their own age, with teachers they can't call Mom, and rules they'd better not break! (They know that if they get into trouble at school, they will also get into trouble when they get home.) And they won't have each other to pick on or play with all day long. (Yes, I'm looking forward to this change!)

Jenna, our third grader, is looking forward to going to school. She is ready to have lots of girlfriends with whom she can talk incessantly--during recess and lunch, anyway. Zach, on the other hand, values his "free" time, and is reluctant to lose that. (He will mourn the loss, but he'll get over it; I have no doubt.) Being in sixth grade, this is actually a very good year to make this transition. Next year--middle school--will be a whole new ball game.

So here's to Zach and Jenna and their first day at school! I salute them, I have faith in them, and I will be praying for them every day.... (And I'll probably pray for their teachers as well!)

(Note: The above photo was taken on our recent road trip. They're really not insane... When this photo was taken they had just indulged in a boat-load of chocolate at Hershey's Chocolate World in Hershey, PA.)

Great Truths About Life - Part I

I ran across the following list this afternoon and thought it was good for a laugh. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did! (I'm not sure who to give the credit to for writing it....)

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Countdown to Christmas - 3 Days

My New Blog!

I've started a new blog, and it's where I'm spending all my blogging time and energy! It's called HomeSchool "U". Check it out.... It's got all the latest happenings regarding our homeschool and our family.

Boy, Time Flies!

I can't believe it's September already! Where did August go?

We have been homeschooling a couple of weeks now, and just took our first "major" field trip. Since we're studying Oklahoma history this term, I thought it would be good to see some of the historic sites around our lovely state. So last weekend we drove east to Oklmulgee, Muskogee, and then on to Tahlequah. (If those aren't Indian names, I don't know what are!) We just happened to be in Tahlequah for the Cherokee National Holiday!

We went to several Indian museums and came across some wonderful exhibits, information, and people. The most fascinating person we met was the Cherokee National Blowgun champion, who gave us a lesson in the art (or is it sport?) of blowgun shooting. It was so much fun we had to buy a couple of them!

Since learning that the kids and I have some Cherokee blood in our veins the things we saw and heard became more significant to us. The Trail of Tears, for example, was a focus of one of the museums, and hearing stories from "true" American Indians (via video tape) who have lived that heritage was moving indeed.

Tomorrow we get back to the usual schedule after a long weekend.

And still I have so much planning to do before we take our month-long road trip to the Northeast!

A New School Year Begins!

Well, we took the plunge today.... Rainbow Valley Home School is officially in session for the 2003-2004 term--our seventh year to homeschool. Zach, our 11-year-old is in 6th grade this year, and Jenna, our lively 8-year-old is in 3rd.

We started the day off with our back-to-school routine: everyone up by 7 a.m., personal chores, breakfast, household chores, then ready for school by 9 a.m. Everyone was on time, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as we opened our school for this new year.

We opened with a devotion from Proverbs 15, prayed, said the Pledge of Allegiance to the U.S. flag, then went through our orientation, line by line.

Afterward we went to lunch at the Cracker Barrel restaurant, then headed to the Omnidome to see the "Top Speed" IMAX movie. (It never hurts to start the year off with a field trip!) :-)

It was a great day and I think a good beginning to a good year. It's going to be a bit different from previous years as we are using a different curriculum this year. After hearing nothing but glowing reports from those who have used it, we decided to go with Sonlight's history-based curriculum this year.

Only 179 school days left this year.... So far, so good!

A Funny Moment...

Last Tuesday Zach began his summer piano lessons, and was instructed as usual to let the dog out before we left, which he obediently did.

When we arrived home, an hour or so later, I noticed Socrates was outside the back door barking in a rather demanding tone. I immediately chastised Zach for not letting the dog back in, for which he immediately apologized. He then let Socrates in, only to get completely and entirely "chewed out" by our 9-lb. furry wonder!

Socrates looked right at Zach and barked and barked and barked in the most irritated tone. (Zach may have forgotten Socrates, but Socrates knew exactly who had left him out in the heat!)

Being the good dog interpreter I am, I translated what Socrates was saying:

"How dare you leave me outside all this time!"
"Don't you know how hot it is out there?!"
"I can't believe you forgot about me!"

We all howled with laughter! (And I don't think Zach will forget and leave the dog outside again--at least for a while!)

:-)

Me and Socrates

Zach

Zach is a marvel. Always has been. He is one of those kids that refuses to be put into any particular "box." He is extremely intelligent, tender-hearted, and stubborn--an interesting mix, to say the least! He has never been a rowdy boy, but in most ways he is all boy! He loves skating, skate-boarding, riding bikes, swimming, Tang Soo Do (a Korean martial art), gymnastics, tennis, snow skiing, bowling, mini-golf, and building things. He loves to create games and weapons and warriors--especially if they are Lego's! He also loves information, and spends much of his spare time reading. But he has a sensitive side too. He loves to cuddle with me; he loves our reading-together time; and he loves playing the piano and singing. He also loves the Lord and leading others in worship.

Yep, I guess he's a pretty well-rounded individual, and I look forward to what God is going to do with this young man's life. Speaking of which, because Zach is 11-1/2 now, he is beginning to exhibit signs of teenage independence. We're not in full-blown teenage angst yet, but something tells me it waits for us just around the corner...!

In the meantime, I'm gonna soak up those cuddly moments in the big chair, sharing a book together. Time passes too swiftly; the years are ticking off much too fast. I need to savor this time we have together....

O LORD, what is man, that You take knowledge of him?
Or the son of man, that You think of him?
Man is like a mere breath;
His days are like a passing shadow.

---Psalm 144:3,4

Jenna

I have the sweetest little girl in the whole wide world! But let me lay a little groundwork first, before I get too far ahead of myself....

Jenna has recently been limited to shopping only once a month--due to an overactive shopping gene (can't imagine where she got that!?!), and today was her shopping day for the month of May. She had been asking for the past two days if we would take her to Toys R Us so she could buy something, so Joel took her this afternoon.

Joel said the first thing Jenna wanted to buy was, amazingly enough, something for her brother! (How sweet is that?) She said he was missing one Bionicle from his collection and she wanted to buy it for him.

When she got home, she brought it to me (beaming, I might add!), and asked me to help her wrap it up for him. She was more excited about that than what she bought for herself.

That's just one of those rare moments--between the fussing, fighting, pestering, and annoying--that warms the cockles of my heart. (What are cockles, anyway?) All I know is that it made my day!

I couldn't help but think about the correlation to our heavenly Parent. He must be similarly thrilled when one of His children gives unselfishly out of love to another of His children. Hmmmm. Y'think that's why He stressed it so often in His Word that we should love one another? That's somethin' to think about....!

[Jesus said:] "This is My commandment, that you love one another,
just as I have loved you." John 15:12

End-of-School Party A Huge Success!

Today was the "big day" the kids have been looking forward to for so long, and I can say with some certainty they were not in the least disappointed!

Grandpa Carl and Grandma Velma, Aunt Janet, Uncle Mark and Aunt Carol were all in attendance for our end-of-school party. Zach and Jenna officiated over the presentation, speaking clearly and confidently in front of our guests, welcoming them and inviting them to make themselves comfortable.... ;-) Zach played three songs on the piano and spelled some really tough words. Jenna read a poem--with emphasis and emotion no less!-- and worked some math problems on the board. They both quoted verses of Scripture. Then Dad showed the DVD chronicling our school year, and I handed out the award certificates and their year-end "diplomas." It went off smoothly, and I believe our guests were appropriately impressed. :-)

After the presentation, everyone was invited to the schoolroom to see our exhibit and to look over all the work the kids completed this term. Again, I think everyone was impressed. I have to admit, I did not realize all the work they had done until I started putting it all together in piles on the table. It truly was impressive.

It was fun to stand back and watch as Zach and Jenna told everyone about their work. Jenna, especially, was very proud of herself and beamed as she showed off her work. I need to remember how important this was to them, and not neglect it in future years.

After all was said and done, we enjoyed an indoor picnic, complete with hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, baked beans, and cake and ice cream. It certainly seemed everyone went away satisfied and contented.

It took a lot of work to pull this party together this week, especially in the midst of the painting, but it was worth every bit of it.

Now I can put "school" behind me for awhile, slip into the easier routine of summer, and just maybe I'll get to read a good book just for fun! (Uncle Tom's Cabin is on my list of classics to read, so maybe I'll dust it off and give it a go...!)

2002-2003 Activities

Zach and Jenna at the musical.

Zach and Jenna had a lot going on this year! Zach continued his piano lessons--for the 6th year, I believe. He did a wonderful job in the piano recital. He also started taking karate lessons (Tang Soo Do) a couple of months ago. He looks very cool in his do bok (uniform)!

Jenna went back to ballet again this year, dancing in her third dance recital. She took ballet, tap, and jazz this year, which meant she danced three times during the recital. (It also meant she had three separate costumes! cha-ching!)

The kids were very involved with the STOMP program at church. (That's the music/praise/worship program.) They sang with the adult choir during the Christmas "Festival" and the Easter Sunday services. And they had special parts in the kids' musical this spring. They both sang solos this year--a first for Jenna! And they performed in some of the dance sequences. Jenna was a napkin in one number--very cute! And Zach was part of the Moses dance.

We also took a few vacations/field trips. In October, we spent a few days in Eureka Springs, as usual. And in November, we went on a fabulous cruise to the western Caribbean (thanks to Grandpa Sonny and Grandma Sheila!). Then in March, we took a short vacation to Big Cedar Lodge in Missouri. In April, Jenna went on her first snow skiing adventure (with Dad--and Grandpa Sonny and Grandma Sheila again!). Then in May, Jenna and I went on a little trip to Springdale, Arkansas with the Handke's and Aunt Carol. (We called it a "girls' trip" even though Grandpa went along.)

Some of our local excursions included the State Fair of Oklahoma, the pumpkin patch here in Edmond, and the Titanic Exhibit at the Omniplex. We bought a membership to the Omniplex this year, so we had several opportunities to go through the hands-on exhibits, and to see a couple of the IMAX movies.

As a family, we also did a couple of community service projects. In the fall, the kids chose the Ministries of Jesus as the recipient of a fundraiser they put together. There were five families involved (about 8 kids), and they raised almost $500! Then in February, we made beaucoup valentines to take to a nursing home here in Edmond.

P.E. was lots of fun this year too. The kids went ice skating several times, they're both excellent roller-bladers, and Jenna took to snow skiing at least as well as Zach did a few years ago. Zach took up skate-boarding this year, too, which has presented some challenges, but he has stuck with it and is showing some improvement. He has also really enjoyed karate. (And it doesn't hurt that his best friend goes with him to karate, as well!) Add swimming, biking, and dancing to the mix, and I think they would say they had a great year!

And I would have to say they're great kids! :-)

School Daze

We have reached our required 180 days! Woo-hoo! After nine long months, our sixth year of home-schooling is complete. Whew! We made it....

Yes, Zach completed 5th grade this year. He read over 25 chapter books--some with over 200 pages! He completed his math curriculum--Saxon 65--even working some of the supplemental exercises. And he learned more things than I can even recount! As always, he is amazing.

Jenna completed 2nd grade this year, showing marked improvement in her reading, writing, and math skills. Grammar was a new thing with her this year, but she got the basics, and next year we'll study the eight parts of speech more indepth. When Jenna wants to, she can excel, and often does. She is pretty bright herself!

The kids' favorite part of our day was our reading time. We made it a habit to start **most** days off with a devotion (Timeless Moments was awesome!), then we went into the unit study or history study. For history, we read through From Sea to Shining Sea (for kids), which gives an awe-inspiring look at how God had His hand upon us during the first half of our country's history. Then we followed that up with true stories based on real people and events from what we call "living books." (These are attention-grabbing books about real people--like Eli Whitney, for example--the struggles they faced and overcame, and the difference they made in the lives of others.)

We started out the year with a character-based curriculum that I wrote based on the book Boundaries With Kids by Cloud and Townsend. (An excellent book for parents of any age, really. I highly recommend it.) We titled our curriculum, "Pulling Your Own Wagon." The kids enjoyed the study and it laid a foundation in our home for taking personal responsibility, something that is sorely lacking in our society these days.

We finished up the year studying American history from the discovery of the New World to about 1830. We left off with the country on the verge of war over slavery. To give them a better understanding of slavery, we read from the personal account of Thomas Jones, a man who had been a slave for 43 years prior to escaping to the north. Once free, he devoted his life to educating others of the horrors of slavery while sharing the hope and comfort found in Jesus Christ. As we concluded the school term, we started watching the TV miniseries, Roots, by Alex Haley, from the 70's. Some of the scenes in the first couple of episodes were hard for our kids to watch, but I think they are beginning to understand why this issue catapulted our country toward war.

To celebrate our achievements, we will be having an "end-of-year" school party on Saturday. The kids will show-off some of their skills as well as the work they have done for the term. This event is an important part of our school experience. It gives Zach and Jenna an opportunity to show others what they have learned and what they can do. (Rumor has it that Zach will play the piano, and Jenna may read a poem! But, sssshhhhhh! Don't tell anyone!) :-)

Between all the grammar lessons, math exercises, field trips, and endless writing assignments, there was plenty of laughter, a few tears, a fair degree of complaining--they still don't know how good they've got it!--and lots of time together as a family. With all its ups and downs and everything in-between, we remain committed to the benefits of home schooling for our children and our family.

So, how many weeks before the new school term begins?---Ugh! I don't even want to go there yet!

Congratulations to Zach and Jenna on another successful year of home-schooling!