March 20, 2004

The High Calling of Parenting

Parenting is perhaps the most difficult job on earth. The hours are long, the pressure is high, the emotions run deep. The investment is incalculable. The dilemmas we face often result in unpopular decisions. We must not only take into account our children's safety (physical, emotional, and spiritual), their heart, and their desires, but we must also be willing to be the 'bad guy.' No-win situations are plentiful. Tempers flare. Feelings get hurt. And hurtful words get thrown about, often much too carelessly.

We must work diligently to oversee their activities: planning, scheduling, outfitting, shuttling, and paying all the sundry fees, purchasing equipment, giving of our time, our attention, our support, and our encouragement.

We have to set appropriate boundaries, discern the most appropriate, most effective consequences, and inform them in advance of the repercussions for breaching the boundaries. Then we must respond swiftly and definitively when those inevitable breaches occur. When they make bad choices we must be willing to recognize them for what they are, set aside our own feelings about the situation(s), and proceed as promised. Above all we must be trustworthy and true to our word--even and especially when it is most difficult to do so.

Then when we 'blow it,' we must work diligently to mend those broken places, being willing to admit our own flaws and mistakes, and being ready and willing to ask forgiveness when necessary.

Yes, parenting is hard, but God has been teaching me some things about doing it more effectively--especially when dealing with a more 'difficult' child. First, you have to...

Pay Your Do’s:

  • Be loving toward them no matter what.
  • Respond with kindness even when they are ugly, nasty, rude, or hateful.
  • Give a gentle response—even when disciplining.
  • Look for opportunities to sincerely praise, compliment, encourage, and reward them.
  • Remember to allow them to make choices for theselves. Remind them of the rewards/consequences.
  • Leave them special love notes….
  • Spend quality time with them every day, one-on-one.
  • Pray for them every day.
  • Take a time-out for yourself if you need one….
  • Ask God for wisdom before, during, and after encounters with them.
  • Look for opportunities to teach them from God’s Word and work in your life.
  • Remind them that God has a special plan and purpose for their life, and that all His actions toward them are out of His great love for them—even if/when they don’t understand.

    Then we have to...

    Ditch the Don’ts:

  • Don’t let your frustration show.
  • Don’t let them push your buttons.
  • Don’t let them make bad choices without a swift and appropriate consequence.
  • Don’t be sarcastic, argumentative, or demeaning toward them.
  • Don't be afraid to ask for help from other parents or from licensed professionals when the need calls for it.

    Following are some telltale signs of trouble to be on the lookout for:

  • Evidence of low self-esteem
  • Changes in eating and/or sleeping habits
  • Unusually aggressive behavior
  • Severe mood swings
  • Prolonged sadness
  • Disinterest in favorite activities or friends
  • Decline in grades at school
  • Excessive time spent alone

    Parenting may well be one of the hardest jobs on earth, but the rewards far exceed the difficulties. Never, ever give up on your children! Never give up the battle for their heart, for their respect, for their best. If we persevere, someday we will reap the sweetest reward!

    "The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. I Thessalonians 5:24 (NIV)
    Posted by at March 20, 2004 12:36 PM